I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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