We won't sleep together?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
