Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she pinky promised me she was 18
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
