God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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