We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
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