the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
