Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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