Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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