Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
