I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
