why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
