wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
