I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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