Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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