I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
