I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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