Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
