I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
handjob tips. give me some.
the day after is always just damage control
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
