She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
