I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
