you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
