I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
