Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
