So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
