Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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