Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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