omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
