I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
