I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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