I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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