Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
