apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
