Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
