im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
