I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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