she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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