we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
