you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
