Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
