I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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