I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
