The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It's no shave November. This is our time.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
