David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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