eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Of course I have a pirate flag
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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