when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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