The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
