how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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