I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I love you. Go after that dick
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
