i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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