Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
