i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
