I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The air taste purple.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
